Well I bet chummy-boy here never gets rumbled in his spying escapades. I mean, who would ever guess that Guy Spy is a, gasp, spy?
"So Guy Spy, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm in charge of fresh meats at the local Kwik Save."
"No you're not. You're a ruddy spy!"
"Blimey, it's a fair cop. How did you find out?"
Who knows, eh? It's just like the fact that James Bond is supposed to be this dead secret agent, but every time he goes into a bar it's "Ah, Good Evening Mr Bond you secret agent, you" Crap, the lot of 'em.
And on top of all that, Guy Spy (for it is he) doesn't seem to think that running around the world waving his gun about is in any way conspicuous. And what is he doing when we first see him?
Legging it into a Berlin tube station and shooting loads of baddies. That's what. Very undercover. I don't think. And, lo, here we must grab our stick and guide Guy on his quest for the Crystals of Armageddon (dan dan daaaaan). Well, by now that little seed of doubt nesting twixt your brain-stem and nasal passages has probably bloomed into fully-
But, oh gentle and fair reader, let me cool your steaming brow, for Guy Spy isn't nearly as cack as those 'epics'. On the other hand, it is still fairly ropey as an actual game.
You see, no longer do you have to just twitch the joystick in one direction at the right time to progress. Now you actually control Guy on the screen, and can move whenever you want.
Unfortunately, we've still got the "oh wow, it looks like a cartoon" graphics so even the most exciting shoot-outs play in slow motion.
It does, being nice for a minute, successfully convey the feeling of a story by having loads of different levels in different styles.
There are a couple of Oppo Wolf-style sections (most notably the first two levels in the tube station and the cable car), and there's a skiing bit, viewed from behind, and a maze bit and loads of others.
But the problems lies with the graphics. They're so big and colourful that they don't move quickly enough, and the controls feel really sticky.
I've lost count of the number of times I died on level one just because Guy wouldn't respond to my commands fast enough. The other loss from the earlier ReadySoft games is the speech. With more control over the on-screen actions it just doesn't look like there was room for the wazzy audio effects. Chugging guns are about the limit here.
Hmmm. To sum up then, Guy Spy is a big improvement over the other ReadySoft 'efforts', and a damn sight cheaper too. But on the other hand, it's still a long way from being a playable game.
Maybe it's time to admit that cartoon-
It's getting there, but still no cigar I'm afraid. To use a phrase still all too commonly used for ReadySoft games, it looks great but not really worth forking out the wonga for. It's been nice knowing you Mr Bond. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.