Bump 'n' Burn is a game about driving odd vehicles against even odder opponents in a mythical land called Toonia. It's a game where the gloves come off and the Highway Code is tossed out of the window; it's a game where the only rule is that there are no rules.

You're out to beat Count Chaos, the undefeated Bump 'n' Burn champion, who competes in the dastardly Skull Crusher Special. Other drivers whom you can choose to represent include Loretta Lamour, a positively Penelope Pitstopian petal, an eskimo, a pair of beavers, dinosaurs and... well, you get the scenario. If this were a Seventies cartoon, it wouldn't be called Hong Kong Phooey.

But Bump 'n' Burn is not simply about getting from pole to chequered flag in the shortest space of time (oh allr ight, it is, but I've got to discuss the other bits in between and tell you that 'pick-ups abound', after a recent directive from the Games Reviewers Overused Phrases Society).

No matter which character you decide upon. All the others are pulling every trick in the book to ensure that they get to the line first. And these include dropping oil slicks, smoke screen and mines; the cars shoot missiles and bones and yes, it's all completely daft.

Fortunately, colliding with these obstacles doesn't knock you out of the race altogether - it just slows you up; and of course, whatever they can do, you can return the compliment, providing you gather the necessaries along the way. Coins litter the track and when collected can be used at an upgrade shop to by add-ons for your motor.

But despite the aforementioned fineries, Bump 'n' Burn essentially adheres to the tried and tested Lotus/Crazy Cars format - the scrolling is smooth and the control of the car pointed. The tracks purport to be varied, yet mainly, there isn't much difference between them.

The themed raceways do have some nice touches and each competitor thrives on a different circuit. Count Chaos loves the Interstellar Interstage; witness a UFO swooping down and scooping you off the track, losing you valuable seconds in the process. And check out the divebombing fighter planes on Colonel Carnage's home circuit, the swinging log cranes in the forest and the freaky ghosts in the spooky Haunted Graveyard.

The main problem with Bump 'n' Burn is that despite all the wacky competitors on the track, you often feel you're racing on your own. You can rattle along for ages without seeing another should, which can be most disconcerting - and very dull at times. The idea behind it all is nice, but it doesn't work well enough to take Bump 'n' Burn into the pantheon of Amiga racing games.

Oh no. Not again. Bump 'n' Burn (or Bed and Breakfast as it's known due to those ghastly apostrophes) is going to get yet another of those ("Forthright" - Ed) reviews that puts AP at odds with the whole of the computer game industry. You've got to ask yourself: why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why do we do it? It would be easier to submit to external and internal pressures and just say: "("Dash" - Ed) it, here's 87 per cent, thank you very much, shake hands and we can have some lemonade and a chat about it in the caff after work."

After all, it's not as if there's anything intrinsically at fault with the game. It's a cutesy, competent(ish), technically proficient racing game, recognisably influenced by Lotus Turbo Esprit and embarrassingly obviously plagiarising Super Mario Kart and the cartoon Wacky Races. Great idea, eh? I sincerely wish it had worked.

IMPUNITY
Probably the easiest way to explain why the game fails is to hold up the shining examples of each in the games it's emulating in turn.

First, Mario Kart. It's structurally identical to B&B: you race against 'personality' opponents and zap them with 'personality' weapons. The graphics and courses of Mario Kart have been cleverly designed so you're always in the thick of the pack (the short tracks mean that you'll lap back markers and so still have people to scrap with) but have a clear view so you can fire accurately at other competitors.

B&B has huge, rambling courses, with the competitors sticking together in a vast, leapfrogging bunch. Excepting the homing missiles, your weapons (oil slicks, walls and the like) are dropped from behind you, increasing the difficulty of hitting someone (already high due to the small amount of visible road ahead) and also robbing you of the pleasure of seeing your victim spin out.

Worst of all the weapons are practically redundant, because you can floor the accelerator and pass any of the cars with impunity - only to see them zoom past you 10 seconds later. If I were being kindhearted, I'd accept the explanation that this is because the drivers cunningly employ their turbo power-ups, but, er, surely they can't be collecting these at twice the frequency you or I would find them?

This phenomenon can be reduced to a deliberate mechanism on the programmer's part. The intention behind it is to maintain the challenge of the computer cars, but in practice it's infuriating. Imagine the situation. You've just spent two or three solid minutes trying to catch up with the pack. You do so and then manage to steal the lead.

Suddenly Count Chaos, or Colonel Carnage, or whoever turbo-boosts past you or hits you with a homing rocket. You wobble out of control for a few seconds. Meanwhile, the pack's overtaken you and you're left with lot of catching up to do. Again.

So, much (in fact, most) of your time is spent zooming along an empty track and watching the scenery.

SPECIAL
The actual driving mechanics are soggy as well. Step forward Lotus Turbo Esprit. With that game the circuits are short and interesting. You have to use the throttle a lot, especially when cornering and steering. For example, you're flat out and approaching a bend. Centrifugal force slows the car toward the outer barriers. You have to ease off the throttle to stay on the track, in extreme cases braking hard.

This leads to a perceptible slowdown of both the graphics and the engine noise. If playing against a human player as well, they can hear the aural cue and work out roughly where you are on the course. Not one of these mechanics are satisfyingly implemented in B&B.

There's no sense of acceleration, easing off the throttle on bends seems to have little effect, running into obstacles doesn't even slow your car (although the speedo reading drops) and the sound, although jolly in its own special way, tells you nothing.

But the game scores highly when up against Wacky Races. The eight competitors are highly characterful, the graphics are lovely, with clean lines and great slabs of colour, and the animation is smooth and flicker-free. It's certainly more fun than watching the cartoon, anyway.

Bump 'n' Burn is a case of great idea, but markedly unfulfilling game. The manic compactness of Mario Kart has been fatally compromised, and the unreal, floaty way your car handles finishes off the illusion of driving.

B&B's funny, in a funny kind of way. It's got a lot of character, in a characterful kind of way. Unfortunately, it lacks addictive gameplay. In an unaddictive kind of way.

I loved Mario Kart when it came out on (the vastly interior) SNES, so I was looking forward to playing Grandslam's latest track game - Bump 'N' Burn. At first glance, I was a little disappointed, the graphics seemed few and far between and the screen appeared to be very dark. However, after quite a few spins around the track, the game began to grow on me. In fact, it grew on me so much that after one lengthy bout of racing around the various tracks, I developed a bout of motion sickness and had to leave the office to get a breath of fresh air to revive myself.

PULL UP TO THE BUMPER
Bump 'N' Burn is set in Toonai land and once a decade all the drivers try to pit their wits and skill against the current champion - Count Chaos who would stoop to any lengths to stop you winning. To help you beat the Count, you can choose one of eight characters and cars. It's all fair and above board, no car is better than any other and none of the characters have any extra powers over the others. For example, the eskimo character doesn't fare any better in, say, the Ice world than the desperate Dan character. But, fear not, you can soup up your car throughout the race by picking up coins and going to the shop to buy extra bits and pieces to give you that extra edge over the other competitors.

THE BLUE AND THE RED CAR...
The championship is set over seven worlds which range from the Haunted Forest through to Future World. You can race through these zones, in whatever order you want, until you earn enough points to take on the evil Crusher. There's a handy map at the bottom of the screen to let you know what position you are in. However, you rarely get the chance to look away from the screen to check it because everything moves so quickly in this game. Bump 'N' Burn map However, Bump 'N' Burn is more than just endless racing around various tracks hoping to get there first. There are numerous obstacles along the way that you must dodge, such as enormous penguins, threatening igloos, scary ghosts, menacing candy sticks, pot holes and such like. Also, at any moment, flying saucers or enormous birds might try to lift you off info oblivion.

To combat these you have some dirty tricks up your sleeve. For a start, if you hit the right signpost on the side of a track you can send all the other cars behind you off in the wrong direction. Also, by collecting the stars that are littered around not only can you make yourself invincible or invisible, you can notch up some nasty surprises for your opponents.

These dastardly tricks probably give the most satisfaction in two player mode. Watch with glee as your opponent veers off the track straight into the bushes when you drop a smoke screen behind you. Smirk smugly as he skids all over the oil slick you left behind for him - as you race off into the lead. Smile sympathetically as he crashes head-first info the iron wall that you considerately left behind.

The tricks all add to the fun of the game. But had you better be careful because the other opponents can do the same to you. I found the smoke screens the most annoying as you never knew when they were going to strike, so keeping on the track was very difficult.

HAD A RACE
In all, Bump 'N' Burn is a fun but tricky game. You have to keep your wits around you at all times to make sure you dodge the pits of debris or igloos. That always seem to be lying on the track. There are a few minor niggles though. Some of the worlds appear to have been given more detail than others. Whereas the Future Word has lots of nice graphics and various space-like items strewn around the level, the Haunted Forest just seems to have the odd lump of wood strewn about.

Also, there was a difference of opinion in the office concerning the cornering. Some felt that handling was just a bit too sticky for the game's own good.

Minor niggles aside, Bump 'N' Burn is a fun if not entirely original racing game. It brings a new and humorous slant to an old genre and ultimately succeeds on gameplay too.