THIS is possibly the world's longest delayed game. Previewed shortly after Army Moves and before Game Over, it promised fabbo graphics and Dinamic gameplay - sometimes frustrating, but ultimately rewarding.
Behind the fašade of perestroika, them Rooshians have been building a submarine of such hugeness that it alone would be capable of holding the Free West to ransom. This just is not cricket, so you, as the predictably skilled aquatic assault commando, have to get aboard the sub, kick some Red ass and blow the thing out of the water. You have plans of the sub and you can have a good laugh at repressed Commie ineptitude. The sub's main weapons are radar guided nuclear torpedoes. Yet, curiously, there are no torpedo tubes. Using radar from a sub is similar to raising a pink, mile-high hoarding above the ship, saying: "Yes! It is a submarine!". Bit of a giveaway, to say the least. Not as much as the lack of a rudder, or the designers being St. Stanislav's Institute. And what did the Marx chap say was the opiate of the masses?
The area around the sub's base is littered with mines, which blow your little boat skywards and cause a typical Dinamic go-all-the-way-back-to-the-beginning. After that it is a confrontation with Reds on jet-skis. Once past them it is a quick swim down to the underwater entrance to the sub base, bracing hungry sharks. They are not Pinkos, by the way - they just know a good meal when they see one.
Once into the base you must steal the assault bathyscaphe - the only means of getting to the sub. In the bathyscape, giant octopi and sea monsters are rather keen on Tinned Persons and will do anything to sample the particular delicacy. Once past these delightful beasts you are given an entry code for part two of the game. Glad to see that the old Dinamic values still hold.
The second phase takes place in the sub. You must halt the sub, enter the reactor bay, plant a small bomb, transmit an arming code and then get out very, very rapidly.
You need to cajole - at gunpoint - members of the crew to do things for you, such as shut down the engines, open the reactor bay doors and do the final transmission.
To make your day pleasurable, marines will shoot at you - a service extended to only the most favoured customers.
Navy Moves boasts possibly the most teeth-grindingly irritating tune, which seems to be composed of three sampled riffs repeated as often as is electronically possible. It plays very quietly through one speaker while playing the game, so there is no escaping it.
The graphics in the first stage are very small and rather free from the ravages of detail. But then I have only seen the very first part of the first stage.
The truth is that even to an inordinately skilled gamesplayer such as myself, Navy Moves is completely impossible. And because you go back to the start every time you die, it remains completely impossible. The later stages, as far as I am concerned - and probably you too - just do not exist. What a waster of time, money, talent, effort, packaging, trees (for the documentation) and plenty of other things which, off hand, do not spring to mind.