Lord, can you hear me? I seek enlightenment. I seek knowledge, and teachings in the way of the world. I seek to discover what the bloody hell's going on in the world when someone thinks they can get away with releasing a gargantuan pile of utter, utter crap like this as an Amiga game in 1993.
I seek to find out what was going through the minds of Quex Development Limited when they thought "Right then, that'll do" and sent Huckleberry Hound In Hollywood Capers off to Alternative with a covering note saying "It's finished, send us our money now."
I'd like to know exactly how long they spent working out the insulting excuse for a plot. I'd quite like to be told exactly how the 'Hollywood Capers' of the title relate to the platforms-against-a-wibbly-green-and-black-background that comprises the games graphics.
I'd be quite pleased to learn if the programmers had any tricky moments drawing the total of four different frames required for Huck to walk and jump in two directions.
I wouldn't mind asking someone in the know if this was really knocked up in 20 minutes one rainy Wednesday afternoon by a six-year-old with a copy of Totally Useless Platform Game Construction Kit, as it appears to have been.
I'd like to know if Alternative can sleep at nights, thinking about some little kid who's just forked out £10 of his hard-saved pocket money because he likes Huckleberry Hound, only to have been landed with this unforgivable, unimaginable, inexplicable, inexcusable, unbearable garbage. Most of all, I'd like to know why, lord? Why?