An angel on a Harley moves across to greet a fellow rolling stone. Puts his bike up on the stand and then extends a scarred and greasy hand. He says "Where ya going bro' Whereya been?" Then he takes my hand in some strange Californian handshake that breaks the bone.
Silly question. I mean, where am I going? It's 10 days to Sturgis, the biggest, greatest most bodacious bike rally in the entire U S of A. Better get a move on. Ten days to cross America coast to coast.
There are other things to be taken care of too. Well man, if you're going to turn up at a bro' do, ya gotta look like a bro'. Trade in your sneakers for boots, get into some leathers, get a decent WWII German helmet, ya knows the kind o'thing.
Never mind personal appearance though. I'd better gear up my hog (that's a Harley to you non-believers). Get an uprated engine, better brakes, higher rated tires. Might as well make it look good, so I think I'll go for the custom fenders and a nice eagle head tank.
Course, all this costs bread. Man, ain't there always ants at the picnic. I'm almost completely cashless at this present juncture if you know what I mean. Hell, I jus 'bout got enough to pay for the gas here. Mind you, the babe on the pumps looks cool, maybe I can charm it out of her.
The only way to make some readies is maybe pick up some grateful hitchhikers. Then there's always the biker events at a lot of the towns 'tween here and big "S". A guy can make hisself a hefty packet on a hillclimb, weenie grab or a poker run.
Say what? Ya never heard of a poker run? Well, two bro's line up on their vehicles then zip down the street snatching playin' cards outta the hands of strategically placed chicks. The guy with the best hand at the end of the run wins.
A weenie grab is slightly more interestin'. Ya gets yourself a babe to ride pillion then ride down the circuit. At intervals there'll be a pole across the road with a weenie sausage dangling from it on a piece of string. Your babe's gotta stand up at the right moment 'n' bite the little sucker in half.
There's other fun to be had, but then there's just plain ol' biker jamborees whore a guy can unwind a little, improve his cred with the other bro's and get poleaxed.
It's important to get some rest where ya can on a trip like this. Fatigue takes its terrible tool, 'specially if you's had a few spills. Watch out or ya'll be visiting casualty courtesy of the blue cross instead of struttin' ya stuff in Sturgis.
Watch out now. The road is a tough place where only the true bro' will prevail. Drivers leave all kinds'a crap on the streets. There's tyres, oil, rocks- man, the whole place is a battleground. Watch out for the smokeys too, but you can always arrange to be goin' slow when one of the regular patrols goes past. Treat other drivers with great suspicion and ya won't go wrong.
OK man, hope ya makes it. Above all, have yourself a righteous time.