Cover Girl Strip Poker logo

The Sales Curve * £25.99

Firstly three little words: The Daily Sport. Who better to sponsor an all-boobs and no-brain strip-poker game? Here's a cursor-controlled card game where you can play against any one of eight well-known (if you look at the tabloids) topless models. You win - she takes off a layer of clothing, you lose, she puts them back on again.

The poker playing skills of these lovelies leaves a lot to be desired, offering no serious challenge to the novice poker player, let alone the hardened card shark.

No programming effort is spared; by pressing various numbers on the keypad you get a close-up view of sections of the screen (this is obviously for examining the digitising quality). You might enjoy Cover Girl Poker, but it's doubtful. You'd probably have more fun playing cribbage with your maiden aunt, than watching badly digitised pictures of Page Threes taking off their clothing.

Heute schon gestrippt?

Cover Girl Strip Poker logo

Hatten wir nicht gerade erst so ein Ausziehspielchen? Ja, aber erstens war das im letzten Heft, zweitens kann der Lustgreis von Welt nie genug bekommen, und drittens wurde dieses Programm von Emotional Pictures of Denmark entwickelt.

Und was sagt uns das? Nun, aus Dänemark kommen bekanntlich schon immer ganz wesentliche Bereicherungen unserer Lebenskultur - guckt einfach mal in den Pornoshop Eures Vertrauens.

Freilich, grundsätzlich wird auch hier normaler Five Card Draw-Poker gespielt, grundsätzlich kann man auch hier die Sache unter vier Augen erledigen oder sich an einem flotten Dreier versuchen, und grundsätzlich muß man auch hier gewinnen, um nackte Tatsachen zu sehen. Aber im Unterschied zu "Deluxe Strip Poker 2" stehen schonmal acht ausziehfreudige Mädels zur (freien) Wahl, und es kommt sogar noch lechziger!

Die Damen sich nämlich tatsächlich echte Illustrierten Berühmtheiten, eine davon war sogar mal Miss Dänemark. Vier der acht hat man einfach von Fotos abdigitalisiert, die übrigen wurden extra für dieses Game nach Schweden zu Videoaufnahmen geschickt. Der Lohn der Mühe: Bei ihnen kriegt man keine Umschalt-Bildchen vorgesetzt, hier wird richtig animiert gestrippt! Und dabei gibt's sogar eine Zoom-Funktion, damit einem auch ja kein wichtiges Detail entgeht...

In der Bewegung liegt also die Würze, da verschmerzt man es auch, daß einige der Bilder etwas verwaschen wirken. Dafür ist der Sound erste Sahne: Schmuddelmusik, wie sie der billigste Sexfilm nicht schöner hinkriegt! Steuerungstechnisch und spielstärkemäßig können die Ladies ebenfalls befriedigen - Molch, was willst du mehr? (L. Bunder)

Cover Girl Strip Poker logo

The Case For The Said: Well, it is a larf, innit? There is eight birds, an' four of 'em are animated. And when you win all of their money at poker, they take off some kit in exchance for some more dosh. Right? I mean, those girls, there are all consenting adults. They do not mind flashing a bit for the lads. And the program is really slick, right? 'Cos like the programming is really well done - and they show EVERYTHING.

And although some of the pictures are a bit unfocussed (well, to be honest the quality is dreadful, especially on the 'moving strip sequences', but that might just be my eyes), it is all harmless fun. I mean, it is not as if there is any more on show than in yer average top-shelf mag. And some of them birds are right famous too!

The Sad Case: Oh dear, oh dear. Unfortunately this sort of program appeals to the voyeuristic schoolboy in all of us. See the game lying there, and you just have to load it up (to be honest, that is why I am doing the review - I just had to try it out - and I felt so guilty I had to own up by writing this review). But that is not to say this sort of thing should be encouraged - and certainly not bought. This program is well presented (the poker tactics themselves seem to reflect the perceived real life intelligence of the 'birds' on show - they are all really tragic at poker), but it is not good value. If you want to look at naked women you could buy about 15 porn mages (or five months worth of the real Sport newspaper) for this price - hey, you could even show a real girl a decent(ish) night out.

It is easy to get all moral about this sort of thing, so I will try not to. To be honest, this game does cater well for its audience - Daily Sport fans will probably lap it up - and so (just possibly) might you. But I did not. Make your own minds up.

Cover Girl Strip Poker logo CDTV

On Line * £34.99

What can the modern man possibly say about this affront to the female species? Nothing except blow a great big lecherous raspberry and shout "wah-hey missus"!

The title initially showed itself on Commodore's dead donkey, the CDTV. Now it is back to... erm, do something to us on the CD32.

Basically you play poker against one of eight naughty girlies who you will have seen before somewhere along the line, probably as you have surreptitiously scanned the top shelf of your local newsagent, under the guise of buying your copy of AC.

Among the stars to grace the seedy screens of this sticky little CD is the one and only Sun favourite "double-barrelled" Whittaker.

Now, of the eight sirens of the striptease, four do the do via digitised photos, while the other four strip using full motion video, all be it in black and white - à la what the butler saw.

But I suppose I should at least explain fully how you get to make these screen sirens strip for your titillation. Basically you have to take them on at poker, with the young lady in question taking the role of the bank. On the whole she is not too hard to beat into a state of naked vulnerability, which is the main problem with the game. OK, maybe many moons ago I might have found this marginally more interesting than the lingerie pages in my myum's Gratton's catalogue, but not now.

Strip Poker might raise the odd chuckle for about five minutes, then after that it is a bit of a bore, albeit boring in four different digitised languages. Would anyone outside the puberty really pay this kind of money for this kind of sad product?


Cover Girl Strip Poker logo CDTV


Dear oh dear, I thought this kind of thing was exclusive to CDS! Obviously not, as Storm's Covergirl Strip Poker makes its way onto the CD32, via the compatible CDTV version. Eight 'stunning young lovelies' await you in a variety of 'erotic' locales, ready to take you on at five-card stud. Not for money, though. In this game you bet points and for every 2,000 points your opponent goes 'overdrawn', the 'stunna' of your choice will remove an item of clothing. When this happens, it's time to enter the mini cinema and watch the action on a small, black and white screen.

Very badly digitised colour images mixed with some very roughly animated black and white footage make this game look even tackier than it sounds. As a poker game it offers no challenge at all. If you are really unlucky, you might lose a hand or two, but otherwise there's nothing stopping you from completing the game in half an hour. A sad game, made even sadder by the fact that you could probably buy a couple of videos for the same price!