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Incredible crash dummies logo

Not only storming the charts but in a game too.

Game: The Incredible Crash Dummies
Runs on: A500, A600, A1200
Publisher: Virgin
Authors: Acclaim
Price: £25.99
Release: Out now

B Incredible Crash Dummies ear in mind that Crash Dummies is aimed at kids around the age of fourteen (it is a console conversion) and you should not have any trouble figuring out why it is so cack. Less than eight percent of AP readers are anywhere near that delicate stage of physiological chronological degeneration, so if you happen to be among that group, add another 20 per cent onto the score at the end of the review.
At this point, the question is what makes this game so bad fills up your backsack and demands emptying. (Something to do with RPGs, probably. –Ed).

The easiest answer is linearity. Seven linear levels in all. No puzzles to solve, no lateral thinking required, no sense of involvement included and a general lack of addition factor. Any one of the factors in that list is enough to mar a game. So, as you will no doubt have concluded, just like the dummies of the title, the desire to continue playing the game falls apart and is never quite able to put itself together again. The first two levels are an insult to your gaming intelligence – a straight run-through against the clock, with various obstacles to traverse and a couple of vehicles to shoot or jump over – and the others are just an insult, period.

The purpose of the game is to guide your dummy to the End Zone of the level. There are various obstacles and objects in the way which are intended to slow down your progress. If you hit anything, you lose a leg; hit something else, you lose another leg. This results in the ludicrous scenario of being left with a torso that propels itself using its arms. You can even end up with a torso with no limbs whatsoever. In order to allay this (each limb-loss slows you down), there are screwdriver icons that you can run or jump through. These restore an appendage. So say you had just lost a leg. Running through a screwdriver would restore it. One of the annoying things about these screwdrivers is that they are not saveable, so even if your dummy is whole and complete and you run through a screwdriver and then immediately lose a limb, that is it gone. You cannot restore the limb until you come across another screwdriver. It might not sound like problem, but it is very annoying, and the later levels when things start to get a tad difficult, being able to save up the screwdrivers would be appreciated.

Every time you lose a life, all obstacles and creatures that inhabit the surreal dummies world are reset and you start at the beginning of the level again. A pointless and frustrating mechanism, I am sure you would agree.

In way of conclusion, I have got to say that the game is not a complete and utter wreck. It will probably appeal to the Volvo drivers among gameplayers. But, having said that, I suggest you get it out of my breaking distance before I gleefully run it over.

Amiga Power, Issue 39, July 1994, p.67

Incredible crash dummies
”We’re bored”, said the dummies.
Incredible crash dummies
“I know, let’s talk absolute crap”.
Incredible crash dummies
Whose caption is this anyway?
Incredible crash dummies
Suddenly there was an almighty crash. We think.
Incredible crash dummies
Dr Zub always hated meeting his mother.
Incredible crash dummies
When that happened the boys fell to pieces.
Incredible crash dummies
Aargh, we hate screechy sounds at AP.
Incredible crash dummies
Slick? What kind of a name is that?

"Never quite able to put itself together again”

Upper UPPERS You do not actually have to own a Volvo to drive this game.
Downer DOWNERS Linearity. No puzzles. Nothing engaging about the game. Some irritating game mechanicsc.

Dummies has worn shock absorbers and no road sense.



A1200 Not one whit of difference I’m afraid to report. I have seen better looking PD games.

Incredible crash dummies logo

Virgin out now £25.99

Incredible crash dummies W hat do you call a man with no arms and no legs in swimming pool? Well, okay, perhaps that joke does not have a lot to do with computer games, but it does have a lot in common with Virgin's latest licence. There are some parents who think that the idea of a toy that your child can mutilate and run mock car accidents is a bit sick. After playing this game I am inclined to agree. We've had games where players are blown to pieces, set fire to, bombed and generally wiped out. Okay, we've become immunised to all of that at this stage, but seeing a main sprite reduced from a fully-formed person to a double amputee is more than a little disturbing.

The whole thing happens in a large car factory disguised as a platform game. You control one of the infamous Crash Dummies in its quest to, well, get to the end really. As it runs, jumps, crawls, slides and collapses through each level you must try not to get hit by anything, as every collision results in the loss of a limb. If you lose all four, its head comes off and you lose a life.

Crash Dummies is a very, very unplayable game. The controls are as sluggish as a blunt knife being dragged slowly through set tar, while the collision detection is decidedly bandy. The main character seems to moonwalk everywhere, never quite touching the ground and, for some reason, you can move considerably faster without legs than with. The game looks awful too, with garish colours and the sort of animation that wouldn't have looked out of place five or six years ago, while the sound consists of an irritating tune and a small handful of sound effects. Avoid.
Tony Dillon


CU Amiga, July 1994, p.80